i like to tell stories

.girl scouts CEO, kathy cloninger, 1/9/08, NYC.

.exclusive by getty is now contour by getty, next year, it maybe something else. i never heard or knew it changed till i handed over william today. nothing about any of this feels good, but this is my job.

.i remember very well walking around the property in the rain and how beautiful yet simple the home was. it was on the water, the style of house that screams the word home. william had a small converted garage that was now an office. i remember wanting to photograph him at his desk, but it seemed in the way and done a million times, so i kept digging for the right nook. there was a spot outside on a little path where you could get a sense of the home, the water and his daily lifestyle, but with the rain, i ended up settling on his wife’s card playing table. this i do remember quite well made his wife grumpy, she was walking around the house obviously mad about something, i only realized as we were leaving that it was us setting up that got her that way. he told us to not mind her, get what we need. i really wanted the viewer to feel like they were there with him, in a conversation about something important, or at least, something important between the two in the conversation. i didn’t know much about him, other then that his reputation was one of respect and fierce intelligence, he was quite likable in person, i found him fascinating and the kind of man i hoped to be someday yet i understood so little of even why we were there or even his points of view. looking around the home like i do at everyone’s of who they chose to frame and display pictures of, most were of his youth and the crowd he ran in. i remember seeing a picture of him on a boat as a young man, then looking closer and seeing kennedy’s in the picture too. i only got the one shot, i wanted to do another, one more for me then a magazine, but time and situation didn’t really allow that to happen. i saw another portrait of him not too long after i made mine, i really regretted my approach and wish i had done things differently or made the shot at his desk or just not done the image i did…. it was a great day though, it was one of those shoots were i knew i did my best in the moment, met a great, historic person who welcomed me into his home openly when he had no real reason too other then that i had a camera. i drove back to the city, dying to get the film handed in and then dying to peek every single frame.

.william died today working at his desk, he was 82.

.fly from JFK to orlando, fl. drive from orlando to lakeland, fl, then from lakeland to st. cloud. wake up early the next 3 days and each day drive from st. cloud to okeechobee, fl and back, the last day, drive back to orlando and get on a plane back to JFK.

.592 miles driven in 4 days, with one good samaritan stop for the guy that fell asleep on 441 heading towards me at 6am. i thought i had seen lights make a turn in the dark to the left, but when i got there, there was no road, he had driven off into the brush and a into tree….

.245 pictures, 131 of which made on the phone and out of boredom in the cab home out the window trying to avoid the sickness of returning to NYC, the frustration of the cab ride itself and wishing i was already heading somewhere else again instead of back into the city.

Seminole Cup

Quail Creek Plantation – Okeechobee, FL

2/22/08 – 2/24/08

Friday Prelim 9AM. – BLUE course.

started so hard, fast crossers, fast FAR away crossers, shit. i only hit 3 of my first 24 targets, missing over 10 in a row at 2 different stations even, far targets, shit, i thought i had gotten on them, not now, i had no idea how to hit these. i would go on to get a 54/100, one of my worst scores ever, not just in a comp, but ever, i think my fist time shooting wasn’t even this bad. my poor squad, all master class shooters, this was so painful. 20 targets off the winner of just C class with a 74, a 74 should never win C class, these targets were set tough, all the scores reflected it, but damn, even ones i should run, i didn’t.

Phil Hughes Prelim 1PM. – RED course.

went much better, i dunno if it was the warm up on the other course this AM, or the target level or just me being an unprepared dumb ass, but i started getting back on targets for a 72/100. a 77 won, so they must of still been tough targets, and you did need to make them all count, but damn if i didn’t start to feel more like myself, now if i could just get consistent, i could hit each target finally, i just couldn’t hit them each and every time.

Seminole Cup MAIN Event – Day One – RED.

the red/blue courses were reset for the main, all new targets. i would only get a 64/100 on this day one of the two day event. i found all targets but one crosser i never hit. the rest was me, all me. they were hard, but really fun, really fair and really well set targets, think too much or brain fart for a millisecond and you were fucked, you’d miss. my score was messy, hit the first pair, drop the next, then back on, sloppy. so if it wasn’t for my brain, i would do alright, i can hit the targets, i just cannot hit them every time.

late saturday night after racing go karts all evening, i had to know how i did, i looked at the results online on my phone sitting there at a chili’s with my aunt and uncle, somehow or another, the 64 was good for 5th after day one. a second day would put me up towards the top or drop me way down, i could still go either way, at least in my class, there was still hope, i just needed to step outside myself and step up already.

Seminole Cup MAIN Event – Day Two – BLUE.

my whole squad started better today, me, 2 master class guys and diane sorantino.

(fyi, i got to shoot behind diane both days, fyi, diane is ladies champion of just about everything she enters, fyi, diane is in the sporting clay hall of fame).

they all kept doing better after a stand or two, i unraveled again, dropping all kinds of targets i could run forever another day, the course felt easier, i felt better, but the damn targets just didn’t break when i pulled that trigger, my chances were slipping away, one target at a time, of even trying to stay in the top of C class. i rallied for a bit and found targets that scared me with their distance, edge and speed, to the point after smashing one pair, a wow escaped my lips, i laughed a little at the amazement of watching them break, and then got serious again as i readied for the next pair and said pull, knowing i could hit it. yet i only ended with a 60/100…. i had a 124/200 for the MAIN, abysmal.

i cleaned up and went over to the score boards, the new results weren’t up yet, but the earlier scores of the day were, there was a 3 way tie of 124/200 for 3-6th place with 80% of the scores in my C class. holy crap, there was a chance i could hold on for a trophy and some $, the cup pays/punches and trophies out to 5th. so i was tied, it would come down to tie break stations and luck. great, my luck with these is never where i’d like it.

i stood around and tried not to look so desperate to hold on or wait around for a 4th or 5th place trophy, but dammit, i want a trophy from a national event already, it was the whole point of this trip, this quest i decided was so important so last minute and funded thanks to a combination sponsorship by my amex, discover and mastercard.

then they posted them, almost 2h after the event ended. we all gathered around and gawked, then i saw it. i had won the tie breaks, my 124/200 beat the other 2 124/200 scores based on how well i shot predetermined stations, but others sneaked up and in with simply better shooting. 5th place had a 125, 4th place had a 126 and 3rd place had a 128.

i missed a trophy by one target out of 200.

AGAIN, unfuckingbelievableareyoukiddingme.

this is the third national event in three this has happened. one position, no, one target even, out of the money, the punches for class and my goddam trophy.

walk to car, start driving, turn up music.

(learn to shoot already).

.i had been trying to make a time lapse of all my jobs this year, so much that, this shoot was total chaos, not of my creating, but if i hadn’t told you that, i don’t think you could tell from the images exactly the new found level of hurry and do this, no wait, hurry and do this, no wait, sorry, do this, NOW…… just when i thought i had achieved the fastest shoot possible, something else happens to raise the bar.

.i had been in CA maybe a month, maybe closer to three. i lived in a shared loft space in emeryville after living out of my car a few days. homeless used to bang on our loft windows at night asking for baby food or money. this cheap loft we shared was among architect offices and other odd businesses, it was really weird. a woman stopped by asking for one of my roommates one day, (we were all trying to be photographers), claiming she needed a headshot. none of the 3 of us wanted to do it or really knew why or what she was after, but we ended up all hanging out one night and seeing a movie as a group, she was older then us and had paid for our tickets. a few days later, she came over again, something about her car not working well and a business meeting out of town, she asked me to drive her up north with my car, said i could crash in her room and she’d pay all expenses if i did all the driving, but separate beds of course.

.i agreed, i hadn’t been up north and needed something to do, calling 50 photographers everyday and begging to help them was talking its toll, so yeah, sure, let’s go. i stole a roll of film or two from the guy i printed for and off we went.

.not much really happened, i was young and not so bright i suppose, but it never occurred to me until years later when i finally tried to print an image or two and she had vanished as people do, that she most likely made the whole thing up as the next morning she wasn’t gone long at the supposed meeting and we really were in the middle of nowhere. it may have been an effort to connect in some way, with me, and i had obviously been too naive or polite to oblige her, but i don’t think i’ll ever really know.

.for the second time within a year, it turns out i am not as good as my word. this is a problem.

.i told nathan i wouldn’t shoot till he was ready to go. his readiness is not in his control or mine. that was in november. i tried nathan, i did. then there was drama, delays. i thought i could hold off, i thought i was over it, part of me still feels i am. i thought the $ of it would be easy to let go, that the other $ spent in smarter places would take its place, that i could walk away. this morning i was bored. stir crazy. i wanted out. i paced and paced and waffled and waffled, then i reserved a car. i wanted to see if i had forgotten. see if i could maybe be ready for a comp again, in FL, in a couple weeks, without shooting for 3 months, my longest break since starting. the inspiration for pictures wasn’t here, around, i just don’t feel anything that makes me want to make any right now, the ho hum of life is in the way today. every february for three years this comp in FL calls me, and every year, i don’t go, scared i cannot shoot it well, afford it, always an excuse, each year the same. so this was a test, did i forget, lose that edge of the quest i had this fall, have no money for this, yes, yes, yes. yet i want to go, and now i had a day of practice, in one white squall after another, a ten degree drop in temperature from fucking cold to fucking colder from the time i started to the time i finished, the wind, the snow, the mush under my feet. how could FL be harder then this?

2008 clay target count: 225

.kix brooks for people magazine country special – 12/20/07.

.got a job for people magazine, shot kix brooks (of brooks and dunn) at his vineyard in TN outside nashville. on newsstands now in the country special. march 2008 issue.

.great, awesome, thank you, perfect job.

.not for all the obvious reasons like client, budget, cool PE, subject, but for more, that would only present themselves later. traveling the day of a shoot with the morons at the TSA that are basically allowed to do whatever they want with your gear with impunity is stressful, as is relying on the airline industry to have basic respect for you, yet it all worked out without incident. there was even a friend of a friend randomly on my little flight from NYC to nashville, weird, but the good kind. the only drama at all was a broken light and that was 100% my fault, i even broke it while telling my assistant to be careful, as doing this can easily beak it, classic. plenty of time to set up, nice people, a good location and a cool subject that actually likes having his picture taken, wow, it was how all jobs should be. perfect.

.the stories, that’s was made this above and beyond just a great day, it’s a long one, i will try to keep it simple.

.months before, at the national sporting clay championships, i shot with a guy from TN that claimed “to know all you NYC city photographers, i was even in vogue.” so i pressed him on it and sure enough, he did. he said “all the NYC city crews like to come to TN and ride 4 wheelers and shoot guns.” guilty, i do. i pressed him more and he runs a ranch for tim mcgraw and faith hill, so he was used to crews coming out and making shots. his name is bobby brooks.

.so here i am a couple months later, in his hood in TN, photographing kix brooks. so one of the first things i asked was if kix knew bobby. turns out bobby used to work for kix too. damn this world is small, this makes for good stories. kix asked if i shoot clays, to which i said i do, kix smiled and said i shot some yesterday. then we got back to making photographs.

.later as i was getting gear packed away, kix came over and asked if i was around at all the next day and if i’d like to go shoot clays with him, even borrow one of his shotguns.

.now that would of been a story, but i had a 6am flight, and with the rental gear budget, flight changes 4 days before xmas in bad weather, the budget in general, and the logistics of it all, i didnt see a way to make staying work. i am an ass of course, now it’s all easy to see.

.i could of shot clays with kix brooks, wow…..

.the perfect job, thanks to everyone, truly.

.we went to 3 bodegas and 2 rite aid’s before we found any, polaroid that is. we did this the very day i would only later learn about the impending doom of polaroids closing. this is how it works, random or not, stories that all seem to be important, related or just plain otherwise curious. these are the stories i like.

i like more that when i told her i needed to take some polaroids of her, as i do almost all the visitors to #1RN, she was up for it. so much so that we went outside without our coats and searched and searched. it didn’t matter that we were cold, or that i had already made some of her years before, she knew i wanted to make more, and she took on the mission as much as i did, to make it happen.

i always shoot 10, quickly, guessing the composition as i cannot see through the camera with my glasses on the way i want to, so point, shoot, repeat as fast as i can, try to save the last of the ten for me in there with her. make sure the flash is so close the heat it gives off with each pop can be felt and all the purple dots it leaves behind in the eyeballs will last a minute or two.

then hide them, wait a few hours, then when no one else is around, finally take a peek.

.polaroid is officially closing itself down, the production of instant film is ending.

.the picture above is unrelated to this news.

.jessica, romain’s new wife.

.she agreed to let me take her picture for WITH OUT YOU, somewhere in the conversations of detroit, music and the meg white sex tape, she started to fake orgasm, i didn’t stop her.

.romain blanquart.

.romain couldn’t stop coughing.

.sondra.

.i hadn’t even seen sondra or really heard from her at all in over a year. she called, then 10 minutes later was at my door. it will prolly be a year before i see her again too, who knows, i bet she doesn’t know either. she’s kinda random like that. her stopping by monday was completed unrelated to romain and jessica also dropping in. it was a good day, for me at least.

.sondra was not pretending to orgasm or coughing, she just looks like this when we talk about photography.

.i use to make and mail things.

.you. touch me. touch yourself. return no love.

.made, copied, mailed, almost forgotten. undated.

.i took countless pictures like these, you lying wherever as i stood over you, wherever we happen to be and only when i happen to have that one camera on me. i took this top one on what was i think our third date. i don’t know how many there are i made over the years, i know there are more. they are lost in the binders the of film i would process and put away. it’s one of those things i think i’ll always get to, yet never do. now it’s been so long since i looked through them or made one or made scans or even had you in my life. our lives are so different now i don’t see the point, yet it’s still one of those things i want to get done so badly, yet never do.

.daniel battsek, miramax.

.i never get to post images as i make them, well not the ‘work’ pictures. so after a couple shoots this week i want to talk about and can’t and one i prolly shouldn’t ever talk about or share, i’ll post this one from this time last year. on my mind of course all the time, these ‘work’ pictures, yet putting them here before they run isn’t an option and often by the time i can, i either forget, am not as excited by them anymore or i have just otherwise moved on. i also shoot most of my ‘work’ for places that not many see or that are for good magazines, yet editions no one sees. this was for last years oscars. it went in an oversize tabloid sized people edition. always hurry up and shoot, if i ever get more then 30 min with someone, i will throw a party. daniel was cool, it was a good day.